New year’s eve party
A girl I know tries to make me hook up with her friend
She’s hot she tells me
I look at her and I remember I’m not remotely attracted to her. Chatting with her beforehand I don’t find her personality exciting either
She’s the kind of woman my mom would want me to “get to know”
My mom doesn’t believe in attractiveness.
Dolls she calls them. Women who are attractive.
Dolls can’t love she says
But maybe she’s right after all.
Maybe I should not expect to find pretty and exciting girls who will want to spend time with me.
Maybe I should stop looking for them too.
Maybe I should settle right on the girl my friend wanted to hook me up with.
Before leaving the party I notice a girl I had a crush with a couple of years ago leave with her boyfriend.
Some other couples are air-fucking to some tune or another.
I leave and come home.
Outside it is raining.
It’s that waterfall sound, that sound that floods the silence of the night.
And I am so tired.
I will sleep empty again.
How big can a void get?
The music I post on the blog.
It is never random.